“I get the sense you think I’m going to up and leave you at any moment,” he said with those piercing eyes that see right through me and that slight southern whisper that I tease him about but really love. “It doesn’t have to be that way you know. I can be the constant in your life.”

I have to admit, his “sense” is on target. I’ve been having a hard time trusting that he isn’t going to change his mind about me. I’ve become used to fickleness in the boys that I take an interest in, and I’ve been the fool for believing in the words of disingenuous men. And while these wrongs may be in my past, I’ve grown so protective of my patched up heart that I refuse to be caught unaware again.

I know there’s some logic in that line of thinking. But you can’t ever really prepare yourself for the hurt you think might come, and claiming to have seen it on the horizon all along makes for poor consolation. I know that and yet I’ve been holding out on my apparently well-intentioned boyfriend (see? I did it right there), resigning him to comparison and conjecture. Each time long term plans are scheduled- trips and cookouts with friends and family picnics- I’m noncommittal and cagey. I’ve actually said to myself with a shrug, “if he’s still around.”

The time has come to listen to what his words and actions are telling me, what they’ve already told me. It’s time to not only trust him in my mind but with my heart as well.

Today, without much fanfare or prescience of what I had done, I put our picture in a frame. And then, smiled in recognition of what it meant.