Poor sad blog….forgotten, disheveled, mistreated…manhandled? Is it really true that you have seen nary a mundane nor a toolbag post from me in over a week? Forsaken. For shame.

Apologetically, I must note that it is summer, so very little time is spent within doors (thank you Stuff White People Like for pointing out how this makes me an especially white person). And while blogging is my preferred method of avoiding doing any real work, it has also become second to my brazen new hobby of mid-afternoon napping. I’ve reached new lows around here and it ain’t pretty….but at least I’m going home at the end of the day more rested, so there’s that.

Over the last few weeks there’s been a lot going on in truth. There was Graphic Designer Friend’s wedding, i.e. the first wedding I’ve attended where I went as a single person sans date. I would say that while it was a beautiful wedding and she made a beautiful bride, it certainly wasn’t a very encouraging experience in the way of dateless wedding revelry. EVERYBODY had a date and EVERYBODY included the “singles table.”

Then came the magical birthday pubcrawl, wherein I celebrated with a whopping FIVE gin and tonics and two JELLO shots (really). Deciding my dress from Forever 21 was too “Sunday brunch” (how is this even possible given the retailer?), I chopped off no less than three inches from the hemline. Highlights of the evening included random deviled-eggs that were merchandised on a buffet table in a pizza box (Friar Tuck’s is nothing but klass- yes, with a “k”), the double bulls eye I threw straight off in darts, and the kickass pancakes and bacon I had at 3 am at the Golden Nugget (that was before I spilled water all over Emo).

After that came Mara’s bachelorette party. I’ve thought long and hard about what to say about it, but ultimately it boils down to these few phrases: body shots, grinding, neck-sucking, bra slinging, riding, table dancing, Big Pimpin’, body shots, giant pizza in bed. Yeah. I’ve never been a part of, let alone witnessed, anything the likes of her bachelorette. It was like what I would imagine happening in Vegas or on Spring Break. On crack. Regardless, a very entertaining evening and she gave us disposable cameras (seriously) so there’s photographic evidence.

And on a final note, I ventured to Taco Bell for dinner one night last week and encountered the new big meal in a box or whatever they’re calling this craziness. I was tempted, okay- more like beckoned- to order it and proceed to gorge myself on its ground beef, cheese, tortilla, gordita, fiesta salsa madness. Alas, I knew I’d be no match- I had eaten lunch that day. Oddly enough, I became suddenly aware that a lot of 20 something single dudes tend to pop in there after work too, so get on that ladies.

Oh, and one more thing, on the walk home sucking on my Dr. Pepper and indulging in the last vestiges of calm noise levels and clean air before the Crosstown Classic, I think I spotted a used Kinoki foot pad on the sidewalk.

Also, the fucking Knot keeps sending me lame ass email forwards about “90+ Bouquets We Love” and “Centerpiece Alternatives for the Modern Bride.” More summer revelry to come….