May 20, 2008
It’s a Bittersweet Happiness, Really
Mostly it’s a good thing. But then there’s that one day that proves harder than the others.
Waking up, you just know. The dreams about closure and good bye don’t help. In them you’re working through what you can’t seem to otherwise. But in the daylight there’s everything that comprises a life to fill the hours until you’re home again. Where it’s quiet. Where you can think as much or as little about it as you allow.
Maybe in those waning hours you indulge your tendency to wallow. You let yourself acknowledge your sadness again at how it all turned out. It’s not an angry sentiment- not anymore- certainly not what you left with.
It’s the learning to live without him and the letting go. It’s the memories that wrap around you- sometimes a comfort, others still a choking pang. It’s the learning to let that be enough, to somehow have that be okay too.
Some days are harder than others still- to have known him, but now…
Harder to know what love is- how complicated and painful it became- and to willingly choose this time to let it fade away.
Ames said,
May 21, 2008 at 5:13 am
‘Harder to know what love is- how complicated and painful it became- and to willingly choose this time to let it fade away.’
Love this line, you’ve summed it up beautifully. It’s so easy to know within your mind what needs to be done. It’s quite another to tell your heart to do the unthinkable. Sending you hugs…
Nic said,
May 21, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I have to admit, it’s nice to get a comment on this one. I was feeling pretty pathetic after having written it, but am glad to know that at least the sentiment carried with someone.